So we’ve had this problem at USC with people getting mugged on and around campus. It’s not a recent problem, it’s a known side effect of where we reside.
USC has enlarged DPS, had security bulletins, etc., to try to resolve this problem. But I realized this morning, they’ve overlooked one large cause: stupid fucking morons!
I don’t mean the people who walk down the street late at night on their way home from class. Or even the girl walking under the scary part of the 110 near the DMV this morning.
I’m pulling into the parking garage this morning and this chick is standing in the middle of the damn lane. Not kind of in the middle, not a bit from the side, but smack in the middle. And since there’s a divider between the two lanes right at the entrance of the garage, so I can’t yet get around her even if I do want to cross into the oncoming lane.
Now, my car is loud. It idles loud, it runs loud. And I play my music exorbitantly loud (and despite great sound proofing on my car, it’s a rag top convertible, which means you CAN hear it). So there’s no way this dumb bitch didn’t hear me behind her. And she still doesn’t move.
And I realized, when I finally had room to zoom around her and then looked in my review mirror and saw her still in the middle of the lane, that I should have just run the fucking bitch over, gotten out, taken her money, and carried on with my day. The bitch was too fucking stupid to continue living. How the hell do these parasites even get into USC (yes, she was a student)?
ADDED 11/09/04 10:32: Okay. KC brought up a point in the office today I should address. Taking her money isn’t optimal. The point is to teach a lesson, and show them they are wastes of oxygen. If you take their money you get something out of it, so it ceases to be a “hey, I’m punishing you for wasting space!” However, the point remains: when people like that get mugged, I think they bring it on themselves.
Wow. This has generated some IM traffic. In case you haven’t caught on by now, my general atttitudes in life include “I just hate wastes of oxygen that inhabit this planet and take up space, money, and time that could otherwise be mine” and “MOVE FUCKERS!” — that should make the above make more sense if you didn’t already know that.
Maybe she was deaf.
Or like maybe it’s USC Transportations new version of a speed bump.
Or maybe she’s, you know, special.
Besides, I don’t want you to go to prison, sweetie.
Deaf: This happens all the time. There’s not that many deaf people.
Speed Bump: Now you’re talking! See, you think like me whether you want to admit it or not.
Special: Cheesy is special, this girl was just dumb. Like so many others.
Pedestrians at USC are somehow even more ridiculous than elsewhere. Last night I was leaving campus, and a young woman was walking in the middle of the lane. Not along the sidewalk, but almost in the middle of the street. After following her for 30 seconds, I went around her, and she gave me dirty look. Delightful. I suppose she could have been trying to avoid getting mugged on the sidewalk, but the whole getting hit by a car thing is similarly unpleasant.
Shoulda run her over! Run her over! As Lynn said, speed bumps!
See, this _does_ happen all the time. These people are good examples of what we call “natural selection” – they need to be hit by a car so they don’t contaminate the gene pool.